There are so many things that I experience differently from men because I am a woman. Part of that is because I can imagine so many worst-case scenarios in which I could get very hurt from doing things that men might do. Some of these imaginary situations are ones I wouldn't have thought of if it weren't for the pervasive images and messages of rape culture around us; others are inspired by the very real fear for me that is expressed by men who care about me. Comrade Dziga goes running after dark all the time. Would he ever feel comfortable if I went jogging at night? No.
All of this is running through my head right now because I am working in a building that has had its plumbing cut off for the week and all employees and the general public are forced to use portapotties in the parking lot. Today, upon exiting the portapotty, I saw a teenager standing outside the building in an odd place. I looked at him curiously for a moment, until I figured out what he was doing. He shouted at me that the bathrooms weren't working as he continued to urinate on the sidewalk. I was freaked out and ran inside to get a man from one of the other offices to go talk to this kid. Yes, I could have told him that there were portapotties. But I just didn't feel particularly safe talking to him given the circumstances.
Now I'm wondering if I should have just said something brief rather than "running to daddy" and getting a man to take care of the situation. However, it's the fact that he yelled at me that made me freaked out. Was he angry? Was he just trying to justify his behavior? I had no way of knowing from his tone, and ... it seemed safest to assume the worst, and act in a way that wouldn't leave me alone outside with him. Sigh.
Comrade!
ReplyDeleteYes. Sigh.
(I wanted to let you know that I was once - long ago - a film student myself. My 'mentor' was Jameson Goldner: http://cinesourcemagazine.com/index.php?/site/comments/extreme_educator_sf_states_jameson_goldner/ )
Comrade, hello! I've been enjoying your comments at all the other radical feminist blogs, and thus came to your blog to see what's up.
ReplyDelete"There are so many things that I experience differently from men because I am a woman. Part of that is because I can imagine so many worst-case scenarios in which I could get very hurt from doing things that men might do. Some of these imaginary situations are ones I wouldn't have thought of if it weren't for the pervasive images and messages of rape culture around us; others are inspired by the very real fear for me that is expressed by men who care about me"
is pretty much the only thing one ever has to point out in the face of the accusations "paranoid", "hypervigilant", or "overreactive."
factcheckme, of the femonade blog, has some great essays re, "hypervigilance" and how it's not really hypervigilant at all. It's actually pretty realistic, because we live in a rape culture and females are the ones who get raped.
Reading her take on the human female body, eg, in her blunt words, that it's not just an incubator for a fuckhole, or that we aren't just walking around with a hole between our legs, has gone a long way towards helping me feel, well, more human. That, and carrying a concealed firearm. Some asshole might still rape me, of course, as they have in the past -- but I'm less afraid. Which is good, because I used to be afraid to even leave the house.
Had I been in your situation, regarding the urinating young man, I would have done the same thing as you did. Possibly with more yelling at him myself, as I am "a troublemaking bitch," and that probably would have put me in a heapload of trouble.
Men respond better to other men, because as you know, they equate female with 'shrieky bitch' and male with 'voice of authority.' Even if the male and the female are saying the same exact thing in the same exact way. See Zuska's blog for evidence of that, all the time. So your actions in dealing with this Piddling Dood actually make a whole lot of sense.
As you also know, male genital exposure is a threat, whether it's intended as one or not. I encountered it last night on the street and it actually frightened me, as in kept my hand on my little purse-revolver as I walked past (talk about hypervigilance). I do not take kindly to such displays of threat and power, and not because (as men have maintained when called out about this shit) I think, 'ew, urination, gross!'
(Just like the time I tried to intervene with two people apparently having violent sex on a New York City subway platform was not based upon my reaction of 'ew, they're fucking, how inappropriate!', but upon my fear of, 'omg, is that rape?! someone help her!')
Thus ends the book I just wrote on your blog. Keep up the good blaming, if you will.
Thanks for your comment, Joy! It's encouraging to hear that others react as strongly as I do to male genital exposure. Comrade Dziga did what he often does when I describe a situation in which I'm uncomfortable -- he projects himself into that situation and finds that he would have acted differently. He would have just yelled at the guy to use the port-a-potties. Anyway, it reminded me of when I told Dziga that lots of students at my school went jogging at 10 or 11 at night on lonely, dark streets. He said something about, "Sure, I would too," and then I asked, "would you want me doing that?"
ReplyDeleteImmediate and resounding "No." How can I not end up scared for myself when the people around me are already hyper-vigilant and concerned about my safety if I'm out alone at night in the dark? A lot of things I don't notice or get concerned about until the men in my life start getting protective (like a few years ago when I had a sort-of stalker ... I was inclined to see him as a non-stalker, whereas my boss went into stalker-protection mode and kept the guy from talking to me or seeing me). So anyway, it's like those rape prevention e-mails come to life. Of course I'm scared -- everyone's always telling me how bad things *could* be...
I've often asked my wife that she not do things I/we deem "dangerous". My fear isn't that she will be raped by some man out there, it is more that she will be robbed/beaten/violated and unable to defend herself. For me personally, it is more an issue of strength than it is that she is a female and all men are rapists. I would have the same fear for children or young people out by themselves and alone.
ReplyDeleteI also think that saying the young man was exposing his genitalia is a bit misleading. He wasn't a pervert flashing you, he was a person taking a piss because the bathroom was broken. He might be a bit disgusting for pissing on the street, but he isn't a pervert. He might be a moron for pissing in a less than discreet location, but it seems unlikely that his goal was to be seen (given that it was an odd place he was standing). Since he was rather young, he may have grown up in the country where it is actually very common to relieve yourself outdoors wherever you see fit.
-Thegoodman
Why are you invested in coming here and explaining my experience to me? I was there, you were not.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you care so much about explaining to women how we are probably wrong about things we see, hear, observe, know, feel? Why do you care so much about knowing more and being right about someone else's experience?
I thought that the idea that he was not trying to scare you might comfort you a little. It didn't seem to me that you had considered that he might be innocent (albeit stupid) and didn't purposefully offend you. I'm not saying you shouldn't be offended, I'm just hoping that ignorance is less offensive than maliciousness (to me it is, but perhaps not for you).
ReplyDeleteLooking at situations from another person's shoes doesn't seem like something you do very often. As your sexist teacher said, you have a very experiential view. My goal was to better represent the shoes of the teenage boy who you saw taking a piss, since you were condemning him as a pervert.
Geez louise, what a can of worms you opened there! It's almost like you've never read any feminist literature. Never fear, though, I've written a response with helpful links that -- if you read the links -- might at least help you to start figuring out why so many of the internet feminists with whom you interact find it difficult to believe that you are any kind of feminist -- even an "equity" one.
ReplyDeleteMy excessively long follow-up to this thread is here: http://12fps.blogspot.com/2010/06/gendered-experiences-part-2.html
Fuck you fems are so funny. OH SHIT, TEEN PISSING ON SIDEWALK! GET A MAN! GET A MAN! fucking laughing my ASS off here!
ReplyDelete